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St Hilda's Church, Ashford, Middlesex
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A marriage service, wherever it is held, is a public declaration of love and commitment to your partner. If you choose to get married in church, there is an added dimension - the assurance that God cares about your relationship and that his resources and strength are available to help you. Including God in your marriage doesn't mean that you will avoid all the usual ups and downs, but you will know that you can look to God for help and guidance and that his love will sustain you. You will also have the support and encouragement of the Christian Church family.
Christians believe that marriage is a gift from God. In the marriage ceremony, a couple make a public declaration of lifelong commitment to love each other, come what may.
The Bible compares married love with the love Jesus has for his followers. He expressed his love by being prepared to sacrifice himself, even to die for the people he loved. This is amazing, unconditional love. Jesus never said 'I love you, but ...'. In marriage we can try to follow his model by loving our partner in a self-sacrificial way, putting their needs before our own.
The marriage ceremony gives you a new legal status as husband and wife and a new stability within which your relationship can flourish and grow. Christians believe that marriage offers the right place for the fulfilment of our sexuality and that it provides a stable and secure environment for bringing up children.
You are entitled to be married in the church of the Church of England parish where one or other or you live. If you are an active, worshipping member of another church congregation: it is usually possible to be married there.
If the church you wish to be married in is not the local church of either of you, you will have to go on the electoral roll of that parish: you will be expected to attend the church services for six months before going on the roll. In certain circumstances you can apply for a Special Licence. At the moment you can only have a Church of England wedding in a parish church or some other place of worship - normally one licensed by the Bishop. It is not normally possible to have your church wedding in other venues, for instance in a hotel.
As soon as you have decided you would like to get married in church, get in touch with your local vicar to see whether the church is free on your preferred date and time. [For St Hilda's see Vicar's Contact details on the HOME PAGE]
You must have your banns read out in church for three consecutive Sundays during the three months before the wedding. Banns are an announcement of your intention to marry and a chance for anyone to put forward a reason why the marriage may not lawfully take place. Banns need to be read in the parish where each of you live as well as at the church in which you are to be married if that is another parish.
You must be single or widowed.
If you are under the age of eighteen, you must have your parents' consent to marry.
There are special guidelines on church marriage if you have been divorced: see the separate question on this issue.
The legal fees for a marriage cover the publication of the banns, certificate of banns (if necessary), the marriage service and a certificate of marriage. These fees are fixed centrally for many of the legal requirements, and locally for such items organist and choir.
The 2005 cost is £430 with an extra £100 for the choir. Special flowers are also an extra.
The cost of Banns Calling and Certificate only is £30
You can choose to have a modern language service or one in more traditional language. Talk over the options with the Vicar. There are usually one or more readings from the Bible or other suitable material in the service - the vicar can help you select the most appropriate. There will also be some prayers, which you may help to choose, or you may write your own. You may also decide to have someone other than the Vicar leading the prayers and/or reading your selected reading(s).
If you have friends or family members you would like to involve in the service, for example by doing a reading or playing a musical instrument, discuss this with the Vicar at an early stage of your planning.
The Vicar or the church organist can advise on suitable hymns and songs, as well as music for coming in, going out and during the signing of the register.
If you want to set out the words and/or music on a printed service sheet, you need to comply with the copyright laws - you should consult the Vicar about this.
A wedding ring is a symbol of unending love and faithfulness, and of the commitment you are making to each other. It is entirely up to you whether you have one ring or two.
You will need to ask permission from the Vicar. This is normally agreed subject to the video being for private use, ie not for use in any commercial purposes.
The Church of England teaches that marriage is for life. It also recognizes that, sadly, some marriages do fail. The Church accepts that, in exceptional circumstances, a divorced person may marry again in church during the lifetime of a former spouse.
The Vicar will be willing to conduct such a marriage in St Hilda's Church under certain circumstances. You must make an appointment to speak to the Vicar before you plan anything. He will want to talk to you frankly about the past, your hopes for the future and your understanding of marriage.
During the excitement of the engagement and preparation for the marriage remember that however much you think you have in common, you are still two separate individuals with different backgrounds, personalities, experiences, hopes and fears.
A Wedding is one day
A Marriage is a lifetime